Two stupid moments and three trashed rooms.

Doormat here.

What is it about being in public that makes people lose all semblance of common sense? I swear, I get about five moments like this per day.

"Is there a convention in town?" Me: *points to LARGE, BOLD-LETTERED sign behind front desk that reads, "[City Name] Welcomes Vocational Agriculture Teachers Association of [State]"*

A guest came in to check in at about 9:00 A.M. I tell him that checkin doesn't begin until 3. He says, "A.M.!?" And I explain to him no, 3 P.M. And just to boot, I looked at him like he was a fucking dumbass.

HOPE IT WAS WORTH $100
Some guests in our hotel decided to have a party. A birthday party. With pink icing. The next morning, after they had left, housekeeping followed a trail of crushed Froot Loops to room ***, in which there was a huge mess - pink birthday cake icing everywhere, stained towels, water all over the bathroom floor, trash EVERYWHERE. The housekeepers call me, and I call the manager in charge while the GM is away, and we take pictures. There is even a large smear of pink icing on the back of the door. The manager charges them $100 in addition to the regular room rate for cleanup, because this room will take at least twice as long to clean, plus some of the towels are stained with food coloring, which doesn't come out.
Two days later, the guest (naturally, and naively) calls to complain that she has been double charged. We ask her if she had a party in that room. First, she denies it altogether. We tell her that the room was messy way out of the ordinary and that we had to spend a lot of time cleaning up the icing that was everywhere. She then tries to tell us that they had a little party, with a little bit of cake, and that the 2 year old may have made a mess. We tell her that was impossible, because the icing smear on the door alone was eye-level to an adult. She then tells us that if we would have called and asked, she would have cleaned the room. Right... we're going to call you and ask you to come clean your own room; that's gonna go over REALLY well. She is still furious, and we tell her that she is welcome to dispute the charges with the credit card company, but we will be sending them pictures of the room if she chooses to do so.
The same day, we had a softball team check out. One of the rooms was covered in garbage and "spit wads." We charged them $100 too.
Moral of the story? You don't have to leave the rooms clean, but don't think that we have magical robots that mysteriously make that room clean. And if you piss of the housekeepers, they bitch to us, and then we bitch to the managers, and then we charge you out of spite.ASSHOLE GUEST MOMENT Guest comes in. I tell him that we only have rooms on the second floor. He tells me that is fine and rents a room anyway. He then comes through the front desk area pushing a cart full of luggage. He asks me where the elevator is. I tell him that we do not have one since we only have two floors. He then, indignantly, demands that I move him to the first floor. I tell him that I cannot, since we only have rooms on the second floor. He then demands a discount. I tell him, politely as possible, that I cannot do that since I rented him the room after having told him that ALL WE FUCKING HAD WERE SECOND FLOOR ROOMS.